Making expectations negotiable

We often expect all kinds of things from others, but we often forget to discuss it and make it explicit what we expect from each other. This creates ambiguities and ultimately irritations and perhaps even disappointments. It works two ways. Just as you can have expectations, other people have expectations of you. In the context of your social environment, it is important to discuss expectations with your colleagues, family, friends and acquaintances.

Step 1. Investigate expectations of yourself and make them concrete

Managing expectations starts with yourself. It is important that you have a grip on your own life. That you know what you want to do, when you are going to do it, how much time it will take and what the result should be. This allows you to better assess the extent to which you can help others or answer questions from others. Often expectations are not concrete, such as "I expect my partner to help me in the household". Make explicit what exactly this “helping” means to you and what actions you expect.

Step 2. Investigate expectations of the other person

It is important to make someone else's expectations concrete. You can find this out by asking questions and also by asking about someone else's expectations. You yourself have to make your own boundaries clear and communicate what the other person can expect from you and make clear agreements about it together.

Step 3. Tune your expectations

Do not communicate your own expectations until you have them in concrete terms. If you communicate your expectations too early, there is a danger of communicating vague expectations. This causes unnecessary confusion. In addition, it is important to express what you need from each other in order to be able to meet the expectations. In this way, you prevent expectations from not being met when communication would have succeeded. Two-way communication is everything!

Step 4. Black on white

You can choose to put the expectations on paper once they are concrete and clear. In this way you avoid confusion and it is possible to look back at what has been agreed.

Author: Nina de Rooij, PSV lifestylecoach