Deal with setbacks, be resilient

Think of a setback as a challenge and a learning moment, try to turn it into something positive. Remember: tomorrow is another day.

Don't stay too long in the negative. New day, new opportunities. It's okay to have an 'off day'. Start the day in a new way, by thinking positively and chances are you will look at it differently.

How you deal with setbacks in life largely determines how happy you are. Some people are naturally very resilient. You probably know them, those people who, although they have experienced a lot of unpleasant things, always know how to emphasize the positive aspects. They have the ability to spring back from difficult and stressful situations. If you are not that resilient by nature, you can teach it to yourself. It is actually not important what happens to you, but how you react to it.

You are resilient when you are able to deal with setbacks. You deal with them instead of them determining your life. There are a few things that can help you to increase your own resilience step by step:

Accept the situation

Learn to accept that there are always certain things or events that you can't change or that you can't control. That does not mean that you leave the situation as it is. If you feel the need to change something, you can, of course, (try to) do so. But change begins with accepting a situation: it is the way it is. Acceptance is therefore the starting point from which you can continue.

Many things you can worry about are beyond your control. So why worry about it then? That is a waste of your energy. Accept what you cannot change and focus on what you can change.

Consider what you can

When things go wrong, it is sometimes difficult to stay positive. Then it helps to look at what is succeeding, instead of emphasizing what is not succeeding. So focus on the things in your life that do go well. This ensures that you have a positive attitude and are more likely to deal with negative external influences. Don't become a victim of circumstance and concentrate on what you can do. If you don't manage to move or exercise because of a leg injury, look for an alternative or pay extra attention to your nutrition.

• Talk about it with someone

Learn to accept and seek support from friends and family. By talking about difficult moments, things get a name and you get a grip on them. You will see better what is going on and what you can do if necessary. The fact that you dare to talk about it is often seen as a sign of strength.

• Use the 'if/dan'-principle

The 'if-then-principle' is also called implementation intention. This is a way to prepare for difficult situations. Making an 'if/dan-plan' goes as follows: think ahead, 'if situation X occurs, I'll do Y'. For example: 'If I have a break at work at noon, I'll go for a walk'.\

Author: Nina de Rooij, PSV lifestyle coach